omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
