you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
