so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
