I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!