So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
