Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her