i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you