So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...