Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night