too bad you live with your parents still
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize
