I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
