I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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