Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
