meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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