He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
