So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
