YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
