Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
