Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
