You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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