WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
