She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im six kinds of drunk right now
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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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