my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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