How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
