he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
