you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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