He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
