After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
