Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize