Please, let me fuck your mom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
