In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
