i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
