I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You work out of a Hotel?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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