so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
