Who wears a wallet chain?!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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