Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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