I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
