I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
