I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
