Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
