I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
