It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
