he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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