HIV tests are more positive than that guy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
