matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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