I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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