Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
