my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
