you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
