thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
