What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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