I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
