I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
