Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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