i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
