Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
