Tell her she can't have a vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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