don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
