just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
