Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
