Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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