Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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