Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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