she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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