I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no, he came in my armpit
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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