Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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