Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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