we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
