so let's talk penis.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
