i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We are two peas in an std pod
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
