My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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