Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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