So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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