why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
