so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
