i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
