One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops