I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.