It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
