It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
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He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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