The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ketchup is God's man juice
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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